This morning at 6am I laid awake in bed, staring at the ceiling amidst a stillness that is nothing short of rare and precious in a household of 6. But me and my mouth, we couldn’t help but break the silence for my poor sleeping husband. “I haven’t blogged in over 2 weeks. <sigh> I just don’t know what to say.”
He’s such a good sport. He said “write about that.” About what? “About not being able to write.”
So here I am. I don’t have a flashy tutorial today, or an impressive recap of my year. No inspiring list of new year’s resolutions, or an exciting giveaway. Today it’s just me. Me and a boatload of snow, a box of Vicks tissues, some reheated sweet potato fries, and 4 crazy-wonderful kids wearing 2 day-old stains. It’s funny, because sometimes I do feel like “Amy, the enthusiastic quilter!”, or “Amy, the energetic organizing mom!”, or “Amy, the list-making, pie-baking modern homemaker who always has something fun to share about!” These past couple of weeks though, I’ve not felt like any of those things. I stare at this screen, feeling like the blinking cursor is just mocking me, daring me to continue. It’s so very hard to admit when I’m feeling in a funk. After all…(and when will I stop caring?)…what will people think???
Winter blues? Sinus sadness? (I’ll admit, a week-long boxing match with my mucus nemesis never helps). Or perhaps I’m just allowing myself some much needed down time. Do you ever feel like this is just so hard to do these days? To lay low, to be quiet? Doesn’t it feel like we live in a world, particularly here in the online crafting community and the blogosphere in general, where everyone is ON all the time? So much…dare I say it…pressure. HEY LOOKY HERE!!! My new quilt! My new block! My new fabric! My new book! My new healthy brownie recipe! My new life-altering labeling system! I love blogging and Instagram and Facebook and Flickr and Pinterest, but sometimes it almost feels like I’ve stepped onto some sort of cruel hamster wheel. Make make make! Share share share! Don’t miss a beat! Keep up with what everyone is making and saying and doing, and don’t forget to smile and keep your feed hop hop hopping!
I’m pretty sure I haven’t figured out the secret to stress-free living yet (I’ll keep you posted!), but I am starting to learn that stepping off the wheel is a carefully honed skill, and resisting that constant squeeze from our culture….that one that whispers in our ears, especially as moms, to keep up or risk complete failure…it takes some really intentional focus to tune out.
So that’s where I’m at right now. Enjoying my kiddos and hubby over this chilly holiday weekend, sweeping up from lunch, and just exhaling. I didn’t finish the Advent calendar by December 1st. In fact I didn’t get it done in time for Christmas. It’s still on the bed of my machine, half quilted, and our cat has decided it’s a great new napping spot. Fine. I’m ok with that.
Nap on, kitty. Afterall, we all need a bit of down time.